


And when you kiss I want to be somebody else

by paradox_of_retaliation



Series: What do you see in those green eyes? [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Confrontations, Fights, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Minor Violence, Moving On, haha syke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 17:45:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15587286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradox_of_retaliation/pseuds/paradox_of_retaliation
Summary: The aftermaths of cheating are always ugly and moving on can be painfully difficult, but not impossible.





	And when you kiss I want to be somebody else

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theianitor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theianitor/gifts).



> So... *sweats* How has everyone been doing? It's only taken me 3 years to post again. 4 years to finish this particular sequel. Let's see if I've gotten any better since the first part!
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics between the ~*~ and the timeline is probably confusing as all hell but I hope you can make some kind of sense out of it. :)
> 
> I dedicate this to Kimi's nose that annoys me greatly with how cute it is. Oh, and also theianitor who helped me a bunch along the way and was my motivational speaker!
> 
> (The title is translated from the lyrics of Che Guevara by Happoradio)

It has been over three months, Hanna realises. Over three months since she learned what the texts were about; over three months since her boyfriend admitted to cheating on her with his friend. 

With another _man_. 

Something about that fact still doesn't sit right with her even after all these months. Not because she has anything against, well, homosexuals, but because she feels like she lost the fight against someone who she could have never competed against in the first place. 

It felt almost more humiliating than losing your boyfriend to another woman. Almost. She could have lived without the pitying looks her friends had given her when she had told them the identity of Sebastian's "other woman". Eventually, after the pitying looks had finally disappeared, they had promised her that a complete purge of the house would help her move on. It would be exactly what she needed. 

Hanna had decided to take their word for it.

Which is why she is going through the bedroom she used to share with Sebastian, trying to locate every little item that reminded her of Sebastian or had once belonged to him and had been left behind when he moved out. Enough time had passed and she felt strong enough now to get rid of any reminder of their relationship and slowly start anew. 

~*~

_Calling the fight that followed Sebastian's return 'huge' would be an understatement. There was so much screaming and shouting Hanna was sure her voice - or her ears for that matter - would never be the same._

_Sebastian slept on the couch that night._

_Hanna barely got a wink of sleep herself as she cried and cried into her pillow until it felt like she couldn't physically cry anymore. And then she cried some more. Even after she finally passed out from how exhausting the day had been, she wasn't allowed to rest for long as she was woken up not 3 hours later when the sun started to rise._

_She lay in the bed, just staring at the ceiling with her puffy, red-rimmed eyes. What she felt in that moment was confusing to say the least: physically she hurt everywhere, but mentally she wasn't so much hurting as feeling numb. She didn't feel anger; not towards Sebastian nor Kimi, even though she probably should have. She didn't even feel like crying._

_The feeling followed her when she finally got up and made her way downstairs. Sebastian was sitting at the table in the kitchen, staring out of the window with a steaming cup between his hands. He didn't seem to even hear her come down. Only when Hanna went to pour herself a cup of the coffee waiting in the pot did he raise his head and acknowledge her presence._

_They didn't raise their voices that morning, not even once. Hanna sat opposite to Sebastian at the table with her own steaming cup and they stayed in silence for a moment before Sebastian broke it by in a hoarse voice announcing he would be moving out. Hanna had been expecting as much and just nodded. Sebastian continued by saying she could keep the house, and informed her that he already had a place to stay. What was left unsaid was that this 'place' was of course Kimi's house but Hanna had figured as much on her own._

_Sebastian was going on about settling their joint bank account and other financial matters at a later date when Hanna interrupted him by asking the question that had been burning in her mind since the previous day:_

_”Do you love him?”_

_Sebastian looked bemused by the sudden question before regaining his composure and answering simply, ”Yes.”_

_”Why?”_

_Sebastian seemed uncomfortable with this line of questioning. ”Does it matter?”_

_Hanna snorted and shook her head incredulously, hands tightening around her cup. ”No, of course not,” she replied, doing her best to sound nonchalant and not let the sarcasm bleed through. She failed miserably._

_Sebastian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked tired. ”I'm not going to apologize for doing what I did, I don't regret it and to be honest it was bound to happen sooner or later.” He paused to look up at Hanna, a guilt-ridden expression on his face. ”And I don't mean that I was planning to go behind your back, you ending up in the middle of this was never meant to happen and for that I am so sorry, I should have told you. But Kimi- it has been there for a long time now. Him coming back only made us both realize that.”_

_Hanna felt the distinct sensation of bile rising up in her throat. The numb feeling from earlier was gone in an instant and she had to grit her teeth together to keep herself from snapping._

_She got up without saying a word and abandoned her untouched coffee on the table while Sebastian stared after her with a blank expression. She grabbed her keys and wallet and left the house._

_By the time she got back the following day, Sebastian wasn't in the house anymore. And neither was his suitcase._

~*~

Hanna has gone through the walk-in closet and is just finishing on the drawer full of their personal items. So far she had found some old t-shirts, underwear and socks that had belonged to Sebastian. Nothing he would miss in his new life. 

In the upper drawers there are some photos of them together, photos of them kissing and smiling at each other. Seeing them makes Hanna's throat feel so tight she isn't sure she can breathe. 

She can't stop looking at them for a moment. They had been so happy back when the photos had been taken. Sebastian was even wearing the shirt she had bought him as a present from one of her holidays with her friends.

These thoughts are wiped out of her mind as soon as she turns one of the photos around and sees what's written behind it. 

_2012_

She rips the photos in half in a moment of blind rage and throws the pieces into the trash bag she had brought with her. Her breathing has gone labored and tears are stinging in her eyes. She wipes them hurriedly on the sleeves of her cardigan and tries to regain control of her breathing, taking long, big gulps of air until she feels composed again. 

Those photos had been taken the same year Sebastian had started the affair with Kimi. For all she knows, Sebastian only looks so happy in them because he had seen Kimi before he had gone out with her that night.

Hanna dumps the rest of the photos into the trash bag without even looking at them. 

When she started this, she was so sure she would be okay. She thought three months would be a long enough time to start letting go of a man who had gone behind her back to fuck his friend while letting her believe nothing had changed between them and they were still okay.

She feels anger bubble inside her again, tears welling in her eyes. _Damn Sebastian, damn Kimi, damn them both!_ She kicks the trash bag and it skids along the floor and hits the bed leg softly. She stomps after it, so angry at everything, and crouches down. She is just about to grab the bag when she notices something between the mattress and the bed frame. It looks like something is wedged between them.

She pushes her anger aside for the time being as curiosity takes over and lifts the mattress, struggling a little with the weight before she can reach the object under it. 

It's a thin cardboard dvd case.

There's no label or anything written on it that would give away what's on it. Hanna has no idea how long it has been under the mattress or how it had ended up in there in the first place, but she supposes it must be Sebastian's since it was on the side of the bed he used to sleep on. That thought causes a wave of sadness to wash over her and she shakes her head angrily – Snap out of it already! – and slides the disc out of the case.

The disc is just as plain as the case. Hanna rolls her eyes. She isn't surprised: Sebastian never labeled anything and their house used to be full of boxes, papers _and_ discs that neither of them knew the origin of. 

She finds little comfort in the knowledge that that is Kimi's problem now, not hers.

~*~

_A few days after Sebastian had left, Hanna found the first news article about their ostensibly ”unexpected breakup”. She highly doubted Sebastian would have gone to the media, so she was left bemused as to how they had managed to hear about it so quickly._

**”Sebastian Vettel: unbeatable on the track but losing on the home ground?"**

"Formula 1 Sebastian Vettel, 27, was spotted leaving his house three days ago with what looked like bags full of his belongings, according to eyewitness sources. It is doubtful if he will return in the future, as Vettel's neighbours are said to have heard the Four Time World Champion having a very loud fight with his long-term girlfriend Hanna Prater, 27, the night before, which led to Prater leaving the couple's shared house early the next morning.”

 _The article showed a photo of her and Sebastian with a big rift edited between them and a caption:_ ”Over 5 years of love lost over the duration of one night?”

_Against her better judgement, Hanna continued reading even though every word made the situation feel more and more final and she had to keep swallowing back her tears._

”An eyewitness source from Baar, Switzerland claims to have seen Vettel enter fellow Formula 1 World Champion Kimi Räikkönen's, 34, house on the same day."

"Vettel was first spotted driving into Räikkönen's driveway in the afternoon prior the fight, then exit some hours later, only to reappear in the late morning of the next day."

"The two drivers are known for their close friendship and it is speculated Räikkönen offered Vettel a place to stay after his abrupt falling out with Prater.”

_Hanna slammed her laptop shut. She had read more than enough._

_It seemed the media was just as blind to what really has been going on between Sebastian and Kimi as she had been til now and it drove her up the wall. She wished she could tell them how wrong they were, that Kimi wasn't offering Sebastian a place to stay or comfort for ”losing” Hanna. He was offering something else entirely._

_Hanna shook her head in disgust as her mind once again conjured up the photo she had seen on Sebastian's phone._

_She left her laptop on the table and burst out of the house. She needed some air._

~*~

Hanna drops the trash bag near the front door to make sure she'll remember to take it with her the next time she goes out. Sebastian had abandoned, or forgotten, more of his possessions at the house than Hanna had first thought; the bag was almost too small to hold them all inside.

'I guess I should be in that bag too, then,' Hanna thinks bitterly, but then snorts at her own dramatics. 'Get a hold of yourself!'

She goes to fetch a piece of string to tie the bag shut with and at the same time seal away that part of her life. She doesn't want to have any more reminders of it than she must. The sooner she cuts Sebastian out of her life, the sooner she can start building a new one just for herself.

She decides to give herself the chance to spare one last look at the items inside the bag before tying it shut for good. The dvd she had found under the mattress catches her eye right away, sitting neatly on top of the otherwise messy pile of clothes, ripped photos and the odd razor. It seems almost as if it's mocking Hanna, like it knows she is dying to know what Sebastian had saved on it.

It must be something secret; something he had intentionally tried to keep from her because he had hidden it. Sebastian had known Hanna would never willingly try and lift that monster of a mattress.

”Dammit.” She snatches the dvd out of the bag. ”You better have something worth my time on you."

~*~

_Hanna had dragged one of the kitchen chairs to the window and was sitting with her eyes glued on the road leading to their house. Well, she assumed it was only hers now if Sebastian hadn't changed his mind about letting her have it._

_She couldn't even let herself think about what she'd do if Sebastian decided he wanted the house after all. They weren't married, so there went that safety net, and Sebastian's name was on all the paperwork. She would be, for lack of a better word, fucked._

_At least for now it seemed like he wasn't interested in the house at all._

_Sebastian had texted her the previous night that they would be coming over the following afternoon to get some more of his belongings and drive his other car out of the garage where it had been sitting for two weeks now._

_They._

_Kimi would be coming with Sebastian._

_Hanna honestly didn't know how she felt about that. The few times she had met Kimi before had been pleasant enough. He hadn't been that talkative at first, but when he did open his mouth, it became clear right away that he was nothing like the media made him out to be; not cold or rude but funny and kind of sweet in his own awkward way._

_Of course that was before Hanna knew the very same man had been rolling around in bed with her boyfriend for months by then._

_She had assured Sebastian she could handle Kimi tagging along though. It was a matter of pride for her. She wasn't going to hide away from Sebastian's dirty little secret; she had done nothing wrong and this was_ her _home. Kimi was the one who would have to feel guilty and uncomfortable for both of them._

_She straightened up, suddenly alert, as she spotted a black van appear in the driveway. She didn't recognise the car and she wasn't expecting anyone else today, so it must be Kimi's. She could hazily remember Sebastian once mentioning something about Kimi liking his vans as she hurried to move the chair back to its place and open the front door. She wasn't going to let Sebastian come in with his own keys; she had to assert herself from the get-go._

_As Hanna stood in the doorway and watched the van pull to a stop next to the garage, she could slowly feel her confidence fading away, leaving her tense and dreading having to face either of them. Seeing Sebastian reach over to give Kimi's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and Kimi return it inside the car didn't help either._

_Forcing her face to stay blank was hard but manageable. Hanna crossed her arms over her chest and squeezed, trying to stop her hands from shaking. She didn't want them to see how hard this was for her. She could do this. All she had to do was say hello and let them inside._

_"Hanna, hi..." Sebastian looked awkward. He was clearly going to say something else but decided against it, cutting himself off. Kimi had lagged behind him and was pretending to be taking in the exterior of the house, hands in his pockets and looking even more awkward than Sebastian was._

_"Hi, Seb," Hanna replied, still looking at Kimi. "Just come in. You know what you're here for."_

_"Yeah... I wanted to talk to you first, if that's okay."_

_Hanna turned to look at him and noticed Kimi steal a glance at her the moment she was no longer staring at him. "...Fine. We can talk in the kitchen."_

_Sebastian nodded quickly and turned around to address Kimi. "You can go upstairs already. I'll bring the boxes with me when I come up."_

_Kimi nodded slowly. "Where do I start?"_

_"Bedroom. You still remember w-" Seb paused and spared a worried look at Hanna. "You know where you're going to start. Find that other suitcase I told you about. From the closet."_

_Hanna narrowed her eyes, squeezing her lips into a tight line to keep her mouth shut. Kimi looked even more awkward now, shoulders tense and a slightly pained look on his face. It looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but standing there having this conversation. 'That makes two of us,' Hanna thought._

_Kimi gave another, much quicker nod and made to walk inside but Hanna refused to step aside, forcing him to shuffle past her, eyes strictly trained on the floor to avoid accidentally catching her eye._

_Sebastian sighed after Kimi had disappeared inside and gave Hanna a tired look. "Don't do that. He feels bad about what happened."_

_Hanna snorted. "_ He _feels bad?"_

_"I didn't-"_

_"Sebastian, you'll excuse me for not caring how he feels. I said I was okay with him coming with you, but that's it," Hanna said as calmly as she could. "Now, you wanted to talk?"_

_Sebastian sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine, fine. Let's go talk then."_

_Hanna gave a curt nod and headed into the kitchen, not bothering to check if Sebastian was following her. She pulled out the same chair she had been sitting on earlier and sat down at the table, motioning for Sebastian to take a seat opposite to her._

_Hanna waved her hand encouragingly. "So..?"_

_Sebastian cleared his throat. "Kimi wanted me to talk to you."_

_Hanna frowned in suspicion. "Why?"_

_"We've been talking and I know you didn't want to hear it...but he feels horrible for how things happened. Fuck,_ I _feel horrible for how things happened! He kept asking me to just tell you everything_ months _ago, we fought about it and, fuck, he was so mad when I told him how you found out." Sebastian takes a deep breath, massaging his temples as he continues, "He didn't want to hurt you, you have to believe that, Hanna. And neither did I. He felt like you wouldn't react well to him trying to talk to you right now so I promised I'd tell you for him. He's sorry. We're_ both _sorry."_

_This had to be a joke._

_Hanna let out a humourless laugh and clapped her hands mockingly. "Bravo, how long did it take you to rehearse that speech?"_

_Sebastian looked startled by her reaction. "What do you mean 'rehearse'? I meant everything I said! I'm sorry._ Kimi _is sorry!"_

 _"Seb, you_ cheated _on me! You cheated on me with- you_ left _me for him! And I had to find out by seeing a fucking naked picture of him on your phone! I don't give a shit that you're sorry let alone that_ he's _sorry!"_

_"Hanna, come on-"_

_"No! Do you not understand what you did?" Hanna let out a hysterical laugh. "You just- you let him waltz back into your life after two whole years of silence! And then he stole you from me!"_

_Sebastian groaned, "No one stole me! I made the fucking decision,_ I _made it! No one else. Kimi didn't do anything."_

_"Didn't do anything? So he was just an unwilling participant for the entire two years you two went behind my back?"_

_"Hanna, please," Sebastian mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know what I meant."_

_"Did you even think about me at all before you were already jumping into bed with him?" Hanna hissed. "You said you'd been feeling like that a 'long time' so you probably didn't have any trouble just forgetting about me and going for it, huh? Did it feel good? Cheating on me and getting what you wanted? You_ always _get what you want, don't you? Is it-"_

_"Hanna!" Sebastian snapped, surprising Hanna into silence. "That's enough. You're hurt, angry. I get it, but you're not acting like yourself. I-," Sebastian sighed, "I'm going to go. We'll finish upstairs and leave. This, trying to talk now... This was a bad idea." He stood up slowly, looking defeated. "You got to take some of it out on me, hopefully that makes you feel better."_

_Hanna stared at him with wide, incredulous eyes._

_Why was Sebastian acting like he was the victim here? He was the one who caused all of this! He and Kimi._ Kimi _caused this. He took Sebastian away from her. And now Sebastian was leaving her again._

_Hanna dug her nails into her knees. She had let herself get worked up again. She hadn't wanted to let Sebastian see her like this. But, to be honest, getting to express even such a small amount of the cocktail of feelings that was still swirling inside her had felt good. Hanna almost wanted to persist with the 'conversation' just to achieve that feeling again. She hadn't felt as alive as she did just now, yelling at Sebastian, since the day this whole mess had started._

_She watched Sebastian leave the room and listened as his feet took him back to the front door, to the car, and back inside. She only allowed herself to relax once Sebastian had gone upstairs and she couldn't hear his footsteps anymore._

_At least half an hour had passed before Hanna heard another set of footsteps descending the stairs. These ones stopped in the hall, and were followed by the sound of a drawer opening. This piqued her curiosity and she slid out of her chair as quietly as a cat to tiptoe to the doorway. There was nothing in the hall drawers that Sebastian would need to take with him as far she knew-_

_Oh. It wasn't Sebastian._

_"Looking for something?" Hanna asked coldly._

_In any other circumstances Hanna would have laughed at the way Kimi almost physically jumped at her voice and scrambled to straighten up before reluctantly facing her. He had two open boxes sitting on the floor next to his feet, full of Sebastian's clothes. Seeing them made Hanna's throat feel tight._

_"Tape," Kimi finally answered, eyes firmly fixed on Hanna's shoulder. "Seb told me to look here."_

_Hanna scoffed. "Did he now?"_

_Kimi looked uncomfortable. With the way he was fidgeting with his hands you'd think he was in a room with a hundred camera men instead of only Hanna. Good, she wanted him to be uncomfortable._

_Kimi coughed, eyes still on her shoulder. "...Yeah. So..."_

_"You thought you could just go through_ our _drawers like they were yours?"_

_Kimi visibly stiffened. His hands stopped moving. Hanna watched him like a hawk as he sucked his lips in to wet them before opening his mouth to answer her, "I just need the tape."_

_Hanna gave him an unimpressed look. "And I need my boyfriend back. But we can't all get what we want, can we?"_

_Kimi stole a quick glance at her before this time training his eyes somewhere just to the left of Hanna's face. "What do you want me to say?" he asked quietly._

_"How about 'sorry'?" Hanna said, sarcasm dripping from every word. "That would be a good start."_

_Kimi stayed silent for a few seconds. Then he looked Hanna in the eye for the first time that day and said, "I'm sorry, Hanna."_

_Hearing him say her name made Hanna's skin crawl. "Sorry for what? What did you do?"_

_The look on Kimi's face must have been surprise, because he just stared at her with his mouth ever-so-slightly parted and said nothing. Hanna had never found anybody's face more infuriating in her life._

_"Sorry for fucking my boyfriend?" she prompted in a demanding voice, "Sorry for ruining our perfectly good life because you just couldn't settle for something that wasn't already someone else's?"_

_Hanna thought she could see a faint tint of red appear on Kimi's face. He brought his arms up to cross them over his chest defensively and closed his mouth into a tight line. Was he feeling ashamed for what he'd done? Hanna hoped so. He should be ashamed._

_"So? What is it going to be?"_

_"I'm not going to say anything you want," Kimi said._

_Hanna felt the earlier emotional cocktail stirring inside her again. "You're a coward. I don't know what Sebastian sees in you. Not even man enough to say out loud what you did! He'll see it soon too, just like I do. Then he'll drop you out of his life again like he did four years ago and come back home," she spat, "He didn't even remember your existence while you were off crashing into trees. He was perfectly fine without you, you weren't important to him!"_

_Seeing Kimi's jaw clench and his arms tighten around himself made Hanna realise her words had hit home. Encouraged by this, she kept going until Kimi dropped his arms and gave her a proper reaction._

_"Stop," he said, failing to sound as firm as he'd clearly wanted to, "Fucking stop it."_

_"Can't take the truth, hmm? Where's the famous 'Iceman' now? Did you forget your sunglasses at home?"_

_"It's not the truth," Kimi snapped. He took a deep breath before meeting Hanna's eye again. "You're trying to provoke me. You did the same to Seb earlier when he tried to talk to you. It won't work."_

_Hanna snorted. "What would you say then, if I told you that Sebastian proposed to me just two months before I found out about you two?"_

_Kimi's face went completely blank, but Hanna managed to catch the split second of hurt right before it._

_"You're lying."_

_"He said he wanted to finally have children and getting married would be the logical first step. He hadn't wanted to tell me about you, right? You never wondered why? He was going to break it off for me. For our_ baby _." Hanna gave him a smug smile. "You were just a warm body for him to have fun with when I wasn't there during race weekends, he didn't actually want anything else from you. He's only with you now because_ I _kicked him out. He would have never chosen you over me if-"_

_"Shut up!"_

_Hanna was actually startled by the sudden raise in volume. She didn't think she'd ever heard Kimi raise his voice before._

_"That's bullshit." Kimi was back to mumbling now. "Seb never lied to me, he would not do that. He isn't like th-"_

_"How would you know?" Hanna sneered, still wanting to push Kimi's buttons just to see how far she could take this._

_"Because he loves me!" Kimi yelled, face properly red now, his hands balled into fists and his shoulders shaking._

_Hanna flinched at the words, her arm moving of its own accord before she even realised what was happening._

_A loud slap echoed in the hall as her palm connected hard with Kimi's cheek._

_Kimi stumbled to the side in shock, almost falling over one of the boxes on the floor before steadying himself on the set of drawers. He slowly raised a hand to his face, wide eyes glued on Hanna as she glared at him._

_"You-"_

_"What the fuck is happening down here?!" came Sebastian's voice as he rushed down the stairs. "What was that noi-" His eyes landed on Kimi, who was still holding his cheek. The cheek that was now starting to bloom an angry red color._

_Hanna watched Sebastian gape at Kimi for a second, one hand already ready to reach over to soothe the red cheek with its touch, until he snapped out of the shock the absurdity of the situation had put him in and whipped around to look at Hanna with fury in his eyes._

_"What did you do?" he demanded in German, "Have you completely lost your mind? You_ hit _him?"_

 _Hanna scoffed, turning her glare on Sebastian. "Was barely a slap. Your_ boyfriend _is just weak."_

_"'Barely a slap'". Sebastian let out a hysterical laugh. "Look at his face!" He pointed at Kimi. "I'm pretty goddamn sure you don't leave a visible hand print on someone's face unless you use force!"_

_"He'll live, unfortunately."_

_Sebastian grabbed Hanna's shoulders and shook her. "What is wrong with you? This isn't you! You'd never hit someone and think it was okay!"_

_"Get your hands off me!" Hanna practically ripped Sebastian's hands off her shoulders and shoved him away, in the process snapping Kimi out of his daze._

_"Hey! Don't fucking touch him!" he hissed, stepping between the two and effectively blocking Hanna from getting at Sebastian._

_Sebastian tried to push Kimi aside. "Kimi, it's oka-"_

_"It's not! You've tried to talk to her like a normal person but she only wants to fight! She doesn't let you apologise, she won't listen and she's acting like a bit-"_

_Hanna manages to make one of her fists connect with Kimi's face before he brings his arms up to block the other one and Sebastian is forcing his way between them, pushing Hanna away from Kimi and all the way to the other side of the hall while she struggles against his hold._

_"Let go off me!"_

_"Stop-"_

_"Fucking let me go now!"_

_"Hanna! Look at me! Please."_

_Hanna felt like she was snapped out of a dream, finally dropping her glare and properly locking eyes with Sebastian. Sebastian stared at her intensely, eyes filled with more worry than anger like she'd thought they would be. Why wasn't Sebastian angry?_

_"Hanna, you need to calm down," Sebastian said quietly, gently squeezing her shoulders. This time Hanna didn't want to push him away._

_Over Sebastian's shoulder she noticed Kimi leaning against the opposite wall, holding his nose and watching them with a blank look on his face. Or was there a hint of fear in his eyes? Hanna couldn't tell for sure._

_"Hey." Sebastian's voice pulled her attention back to him. "I'm so sorry all of this made you this... I don't even know what to call it," he gave a strained smile, "You're hurting really badly right now. I shouldn't have barged in here after just two weeks expecting you to be fine seeing me and... Of course you wouldn't be fine, even if you said you were. I get it now. I'm sorry."_

_"Sebastian..." Hanna breathed. She couldn't believe this... Was Sebastian saying what she thought he was saying?_

_Spurred on by the gentle way Sebastian was touching her, Hanna reached over to caress his cheek but to her horror Sebastian recoiled from her hand and let go of her shoulders to step back._

_"No. Please, don't touch me. I'm trying my best to see this from your point of view but it doesn't make what you just did okay. Hanna, you_ hit _Kimi. Twice!"_

_Hanna turned her attention to Kimi again and could feel tears forming in her eyes as she watched the blank look from just a moment ago disappear in front of her eyes and be replaced with one full of emotion. The look only intensified when Sebastian got close and seemed to reach its full potential once he reached to pull Kimi's hand away from his nose to see if any serious damage had been done._

_"You okay?" Sebastian asked, carefully touching the bridge of Kimi's nose to feel for a possible break._

_"Yeah, doesn't hurt as much anymore."_

_Sebastian snorted and pressed a quick kiss to Kimi's nose. "Fucking liar."_

_The besotted look on Kimi's face being mirrored on Sebastian's own face was like a punch in the guts for Hanna. It almost looked like they had forgotten she was even still in the hall with them._

_Kimi had been right after all._

~*~

Hanna is crouched in front of the dvd player, waiting for the tray to disappear back inside with the disc. 

She isn't sure why she's bothering, really. Sebastian was never the most mysterious of people so what could he possibly have saved on a plain dvd? It's probably going to be a pirated racing documentary that he got from a friend at some point and felt bad for owning so he hid it in shame. Hanna snorts at that thought. Sebastian had always been a bit of a goody two-shoes when it came to things like that.

Actually, now that she thinks about it, the disc might contain porn. Sebastian had developed a rather dirty mind along the years and even though he might joke about it very openly, he still wouldn't exactly be proud of owning a dvd full of porn. That would explain why he had hidden it so well; he wouldn't have wanted her to find it.

Hanna screws up her nose. She isn't really in the mood to catch a glimpse of whatever perverted things Sebastian might have saved on there.

The dvd finishes loading.

 _"I still don't understand why you want to do this,"_ a familiar accented voice says.

Hanna is frozen in place, staring at the bed on the screen. Her bed. The man lying in the middle of it is so out of place she isn't sure if she's actually seeing this or if her mind is playing some sort of sick trick on her.

_"Fuck, you're right, who'd want to have a video of himself touching his boyfriend? What are we even doing here?"_

Sebastian. Hanna can't see him but she would recognise that voice anywhere. 

The remote falls out of her hands as they start to shake. The loud clatter of it hitting the wooden floor echoes in her ears, chorused by her thumping heartbeat..

The man on the screen rolls his eyes but he is smiling. Hanna has seen that smile, crooked and teeth on show, in various photos along the years. She used to think it was a very nice smile whenever Sebastian would thrust his phone in her face, but now it just makes her stomach churn in the most unpleasant way. 

There's shuffling in the background and then the camera zooms in on the smile as Sebastian speaks up again.

_"There we go, you're getting into this!"_

Hanna is left staring straight into a pair of light green eyes, full of warmth and something else that she doesn't want to name. She feels pinned in place by the intense gaze and has to hastily avert her eyes, humiliation washing over her as she only now notices the bare skin and the few fading bruises on the man's neck. 

Tears are slowly gathering in her eyes and Hanna tries to halfheartedly wipe them away, but with the way her hands are shaking it's doing absolutely nothing. She can't see the screen or anything around her anymore as she tries to blindly fumble for the remote that seems to have disappeared into thin air. 

Dammit, she wants to turn this off! She doesn't want to see or hear more!

She jolts when Sebastian suddenly speaks again but tries not to listen and keeps running her hands along the floor to locate the remote.

_"Kimi, don't look at me like that!"_

_Kimi_. Hanna pauses, her search forgotten just as her fingers brush against the familiar shape of the remote. Just hearing that name sends a hot flash of anger through her body. Her hands curl into tight fists and her nails dig into her palms as the urge to destroy something returns. She wants to break him.

The Kimi on the screen chuckles. _"Like what?"_

There's the sound of bare feet on wooden floor before a fully clothed Sebastian appears on the screen. The camera is no longer zoomed. The mattress lets out a soft sound as Sebastian joins Kimi on the bed. _"You know what, Kimi. Like_ that _!"_

There's a pause. Kimi huffs and cocks his head to one side. _"Like I love you?"_

Hanna watches through her tears, shaking with anger, as Sebastian reaches up to run his fingers through long, blond hair, fingertips trailing down the side of Kimi's face in a gentle caress before cupping his cheek and drawing him in for a deep kiss.

This can't be real, surely it can't be. She can't believe Sebastian would have done something like this. Especially here, in _their_ bed.

There kiss continues for a long time, much longer than Hanna would like, before Sebastian, now sounding breathless, speaks up again. _"I love you, too._ So _much, Kimi."_

Kimi huffs and gives Sebastian's shoulder a weak shove. _"Why do you keep saying my name? I know what it is, you don't have to keep repeating."_

Sebastian laughs, and much to Hanna's disgust, leans in to press another, thankfully much more brief, kiss to Kimi's mouth. _"You'd like it better if_ you _were the one repeating_ my _name?"_

Tears finally brim over and run down Hanna's cheeks. She feels her lips curl in anger and disgust as she listens to Kimi's following laughter. _"Maybe. How are you going to make me do that?"_

Hanna's fingers extend and slowly wrap around the remote.

_"I could just ask you nicely. But where's the fun in that, right? Maybe I'll just fuck it out of you inst-"_

She hurls the remote at the screen with as much force as she can muster, smashing the screen with a sharp crunch of glass and getting a sick sort of satisfaction imagining the remote doing as much damage to Kimi's head. Or even Sebastian's. Hanna doesn't consider herself to be a violent or even a vengeful person, but at this point she isn't sure she could trust herself if either one of them was stood in front of her. Again.

Fortunately, the last time Hanna saw Sebastian was almost two months ago - Kimi even longer than that. She has blacklisted every F1 publication and website and avoids the sports section of any news like the plague after an unpleasant run-in with an article about their "friendship". 

Sometimes she still wishes she could be cruel enough to out Sebastian and, with him, Kimi. Throw them both to the wolves and watch the media rip them apart and ruin their lives just like they did hers.

Hanna glances at the dvd player.

_Hmm, maybe... There might be some potential there._

Hanna shakes her head. No, she wouldn't do that... Would she? No. No! Not even they deserve something like that to happen to them.

~*~

A week later, a package arrives at Kimi's house with an attached note.

 

_Be grateful I didn't send this to someone else instead. If I ever have to see Kimi naked again, I'm going to drive over just to break one of those huge windows in that ridiculous glass cube of a house you live in now._

_I hope you're doing well. Tell Kimi I'm sorry for punching him in the nose._

**Author's Note:**

> You can yell at me in the comments, I'm expecting you all! ✌ Tell me if I made typos bc it will drive me insane if I notice them years later while re-reading this! And tell me to post more often as posting every four years is just ridiculous.
> 
> Another sequel to this? Yay or nay?


End file.
